Tired of Feeling Like an ATM Machine For Your Adult Child? How to Stop Enabling and Start Helping

Your daughter calls you at work. When you hear her voice, you find yourself thinking, “What is it now?” Immediately you feel guilty for this thought and ask how she is doing. “I don’t know how come I have so many problems,” she sighs. She continues talking for thirty minutes about how she has not been able to find a job that is right for her. Her rent and car payment are due and she does not even have enough money to take her clothes to the Laundromat. She asks if she can bring her dirty laundry to your house, then remembers that her car is on empty. You start to explain that you are dealing with problems too but she quickly delivers the ‘but you’re my mother’ speech that works like a charm. You agree to go by her house after work to give her money to pay her bills and pick up her dirty clothes. As usual, she promises to pay you back, but you know that will never happen. By next month, it will be a new crisis. You wonder when she will learn to stand on her own two feet. After all, your daughter is 32 years old.Time For Honest ParentingWhat is enabling?
Enabling is creating an environment which allows irresponsible behavior to continue. Under normal circumstances, there is a behavior and a consequence. For example, a behavior of spending money on a beach trip instead of rent would result in a consequence of losing an apartment. An enabler swoops in and removes the consequence, giving the adult child no reason or opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. The enabler “fixes” the problem.Helping or enabling?
Many parents struggle with this question. How do you determine the difference between helping and enabling? Helping means that you are doing something for your adult child that he is unable to do for himself. Enabling means that you are doing something for him that he is not only able to do but should be doing for himself. It is true that there may be times that your adult child may genuinely need your help. It is when you find yourself frequently bailing your adult child out of one jam after another that you cross the line of helping to enabling.If I don’t “help” them, how will they make it?
To answer this question, remind yourself that “helping” is doing something for your child that he is incapable of doing on his own. How is your adult child ever going to learn to do for himself if you do not give him the opportunity to do so? You are assuming that you will always be available to bail him or her out of trouble. What happens to them when you are not able to fix things? By not letting them learn to take care of themselves, you are setting them up to be completely unprepared when they have to handle situations on their own.Positive Parenting TipsFive ways to stop enabling
1. Disable your guilt button. Your adult child has realized that they can continue to get what they want by pushing this button. You are not to blame for the problems he or she is having.
2. Talk with your adult child when things are calm. Tell her that you realize you have been preventing her from becoming a responsible adult by stepping in and solving problems. Let her know that you will be emotionally supportive, but will no longer be financially responsible for her mistakes.
3. Recognize that you are entitled to live your own life. You are not responsible to fix the mistakes of your adult child.
4. Understand that when your child reaches adulthood, you have fulfilled your obligation as a parent. It is time for your adult child to make his or her own way towards becoming a responsible adult.
5. Give your child a chance to figure out solutions to his or her own problems. Instead of rushing in to solve the problem, give yourself time to figure out if this is actually a legitimate request for help or if you are falling into the same pattern of enabling. By not letting your adult child handle his own problems, you are crippling his chance to develop vital problem solving skills.It may feel awkward in the beginning
It is important to understand that stopping enabling behavior may feel awkward in the beginning. Resist the urge to give into old, familiar enabling habits. Remember that by allowing your adult child to handle his own problems, you are not only helping yourself, you are helping your adult child become a responsible adult.

The Best Way To Complete Your Adult Education

The internet is one of the best ways that you can advance your education as an adult.It is probably the best way to complete your adult education. It is good for you as a busy adult who may not have all the time in the world to attend classes in person. This cheering news for all adults who could not complete their education as it is now possible to acquire knowledge in any field they desire. Adult education via the internet is the best option for you or an adult you know who want to acquire knowledge fast.Like I mentioned earlier, the internet is the popular choice of those who have left school for many years. Learning through the internet makes it possible for you to adjust to learning after such a long time in addition to being able to meet the challenges of completing the program on time. You must never think that it is too late to go back to school as an adult. With the internet, it is not necessary for you to leave your present work in order to go back to school. While some adults enroll for adult education because they want a bigger salary, others only enroll because they want to acquire basic knowledge about a particular field as they are alright with their present salary.In other words, many of the latter group simply wants to challenge their brain. Regardless of the reason why you are enrolling for adult education, it is necessary for you to focused. As you are well aware that nothing good in life comes easy. It does not mean that because you are an adult, it will be easy for you. It is possible that you may find things hard at the beginning because of the technical jargons you may be hearing and you may be tempted to give up. You must not throw in the towel. You must give it all you’ve got. Don’t let the temporary problems you encounter deter you. Consult with your teachers whenever you are having it hard. They will be immense help to you. They will gladly see you through any setback you may be having.There are currently thousands of colleges and universities on the internet offering adult education programs for matured people like you.However, there is need for you look before you leap. In other words, you must stay away from fake online institutions offering free and fake certificates. Please do not take any short cut.

Adult Dating and Swinger Parties in Berkshire

Berkshire is known as the ‘Royal’ county because it is the county where Windsor castle is locate. What a shame such a superb venue, doesn’t host swinger parties! Nevertheless, the town of Windsor certainly has more than a few couples and singles who are active on the adult dating scene and swinger parties do take place in some pretty upmarket and luxurious private residences all over Berkshire.Berkshire’s overall population is around 800,000, the majority living in Reading; a university town and important industrial community. Reading also has a long and colourful history and was once famed for its cloth making. There are excellent hotels in and around Reading and many are used for adult dating rendezvous as well as small adult parties usually held in room or suites without the hotel owner’s knowledge.Beyond Reading, Berkshire provides many opportunities for all kinds of adult dating fun. Henley-on-Thames for example, holds more events than just its annual regatta, being used quite regularly as a favourite place to hold boat parties, by a well established, group of our younger members!Then there’s Newbury, a quiet enough town but one where adult dating is every bit as popular as the horse racing for which the town is famous. The village of Thatcham is said to be the oldest inhabited village in England but the historical guides don’t mention whether its ancient inhabitants got up to the same sort of things that some of its modern dwellers do. There are some very nice properties in and around Thatcham and some are owned by couples who regularly throw swinger parties. Naturally, invitations are only selectively issued to trusted members of their circles but these groups are always interested in introducing some new blood, so follow our advice below and you could find yourself on a very exclusive guest list before long!Because I run a large and very long established adult dating club, I can provide some figures which indicate how many people get involved in the swinger scene in Berkshire. At the time of writing this article, Club Aphrodite had 760 active members based in Berkshire. That consisted of 308 swinger couples, 251 single males and 201 single females. Club Aphrodite has records going back to 1996 when it was launched and for most of the time there have been more or less similar numbers of people registered in the county.I looked at five of our major competitors as well. Unlike, Club Aphrodite, each of these has no offline adult dating facilities and consequently, their total figures were slightly smaller. It should also be noted many people register with more than one adult dating club, so I allowed for duplication when totalling the following figures:Total number estimated adult daters and swingers living in Berkshire 1400 of which 570 are couples, 460 single males and 370 are single females,That’s a pretty impressive figure for a relatively small county like Berkshire and it ought to reassure anyone who is interested in finding adult parties or adult contacts in Berkshire that the opportunities for a lot of fun are certainly out there.If you want to receive invites to adult parties in Berkshire you’ll do best by signing up for full membership of a leading adult dating club and building up your circle of adult contacts until you get into one of the swinger party circles I mentioned earlier. There is not a regular adult party club venue in Berkshire at the time of writing although this might change in due course. London is not far away however with plenty of venues to choose from. Also just a short trip down the M4 in Middlesex, you will find one of the largest and most well equipped adult party venues in the country (see Club Aphrodite’s London and Middlesex sections for more details).Many people with experience of attending adult parties would agree that the best parties are very often the kind that Berkshire does have in abundance; the privately hosted ones. As stated above, the first step to receiving invitations to this type of party is to sign up with an adult dating club. Then get yourself known for all the right reasons. Be fully prepared to spend a lot of time on line getting involved in chat rooms and forums. It’s worth reading some of the help articles that are available to our members, revealing the techniques and secrets for doing this successfully.